Yeah, yeah, I know that my posts have been pretty sporadic. Sorry about that y’all. It’s been a long week: huge argument with the man (we’ve already made up and it’s back to rainbows and butterflies and shit), my rape-iversarry came around again (I was raped twice this summer, exactly a month apart from each other. Now, I’m a mess on the 19th of every month), I’ve been reevaluating my religious beliefs and have begun to identify as non religious, and finally with the support of my boyfriend I am exploring my sexual identity (from the standpoint of a woman comfortable with her sexuality, rather than a confused victim).
So yeah, it’s been an interesting few days. I’m still deciding whether some of these changes are positive or negative.
One positive change that I can tell you about is that I dyed my hair back to my signature red. This was a HUGE step in the right direction because it means that I’m no longer terrified of my first rapist of the summer.
At the time of the first rape on August 19th, I had chunky blonde streaks in my hair. I was so afraid of my rapist finding me that I dyed my hair boring brown to blend in with the crowd a bit more. Well honey, those days are over! I’m back to having shades of burgundy and bright red streaks. I’ve had red hair in some form or fashion since my graduation from high school (except for the handful of times I decided to go blonde) so I finally feel like I look like me again. This is definitely a good sign.
I have other stuff to share with you, but it’s the early morning hours and I only slept 3 hours last night. I’ve been awake since midnight and it’s now after 5am. Oh well, I really did try to get some sleep. I hope that all of you tea drinkers were more successful in getting some sleep than I was.
Have a great day and we will talk soon!